The third stage of grief is bargaining. This is when we try to negotiate with ourselves or a higher power to avoid the reality of the loss. We may think, “If only I had done this differently, maybe they would still be here,” or “Please, just let them come back, and I will never do that again.” Bargaining is a way of coping with the helplessness and guilt that often accompany grief. It is also a way of holding on to hope that the loss is not final.
Bargaining can be a normal and healthy part of the grieving process if it does not prevent us from moving forward. It can help us express our emotions and explore alternative outcomes. However, it can also become a source of distress if we get stuck in the “what ifs” and “if only” that are not based on reality. Bargaining can keep us from accepting the truth and finding closure.
Some ways to cope with bargaining are:
- Recognize that it is a natural response to loss and that you are not alone in feeling this way.
- Challenge any irrational or unrealistic thoughts that you may have about the loss. Remind yourself of the facts and the reasons why the loss happened.
- Focus on the present and what you can control rather than the past and what you cannot change.
- Seek support from others who understand what you are going through. Share your feelings and thoughts with them and listen to their perspectives.
- Practice gratitude for what you still have in your life and what you have learned from the loss.
- Allow yourself to move on to the next stage of grief, depression.